I have to start this post off with an apology. I’m sorry. I’m sorry if my recent posts have offended you or upset you in any way. I understand that getting a rise out of people is the easiest way for people to see a problem, yet it may not be the best way. I understand how it may make people feel, but I should also note that I have a right to how I feel as well. I am angry. That’s okay. I’m angry about so much of what is going on in the world. I’m angry that people are using the name of my faith, my religion to commit all kinds of atrocities and cover up horrible treatment of our fellow-man all in the guise that it is a religious thing to do? I’m angry because this is not the world I want. This is not the world I believe Jesus wants. I imagine the Divine is angry as well, not that people are “sinful” but that we have strayed so far from the Love that was taught to us.
Who did you long to be? A friend of mine commented on a post recently. I posted on a forum about how I’ve been trying to be kinder. How I feel that arguments recently are just producing so much hurt and division in and of themselves rather than helping someone view a different side. I talked about it in relation to Christianity. About how to have a conversation with someone who thinks I’m a heretic because I believe in love for all. She said that Christians have claimed for a long time to treat people with love, kindness, and acceptance yet all the while judged them for who they were. She said in order to have a conversation with them maybe be what it was we only pretended to be or to put it more kindly “Who we longed to be”. I loved that phrase. That resonated so much with me. Who did I long to be? Who do you long to be? Do you long to treat others with kindness, love, and acceptance no matter what? Or do you only pretend at it?
This brought me to my apology. I feel as though my raw anger without a filter can send the wrong message. It says that I don’t desire to be in conversation with you, but rather I “hate” what it is you think is the best way. That is not true. I disagree with you, but it does not mean that I hate you or whatever it is. What I truly despise is the evil, corruption, and mistreatment that masquerades as Christianity these days. It is so much bad theology. As I have stated before, Jesus never once taught us to hate. Yet, we put that work in his and the Divine’s mouths so much. God hates (fill in the blank). But anger does not equal hate. Anger is an emotion. It’s okay to feel angry. Anger can lead to action. Anger is not a sin. It is a sign that something is wrong. When it is directed in the wrong way, yes it can lead to some pretty messed up shenanigans. Though, in and of itself, anger is fine. I realized that I needed to temper that anger into something more useful rather than the rough edges that have been showing recently. Unless it drives you to do something anger may stagnate and turn to hate. Unless it is tempered and used in constructive ways it can only bring destruction. I longed to be a better person. I longed to show my son that anger can be useful when tempered and funneled correctly.
Have you ever felt a longing? Do you know what it is to long for something? We again throw the word around as if it’s just a want. But it is deeper than that. A yearning desire is wanting something so bad it hurts. Have you ever wanted something like that? I remember when I was a child I really wanted the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Party Wagon. I mean I really wanted it. Every time one of my friends got it I was so super jealous. I loved the flip-out door and the little seat that you see Raphael in. I had so many Action figures that I made most toy stores look understocked, but I didn’t have this. Even then, I don’t believe that would be called longing. I think that longing is more what I call Faith these days. I think so often people make faith synonymous with trust, but I think it’s really much different. As you know, I’ve used a quote about faith ad-nauseum on my blog, in the podcast, and even the book. So I’m not going to repeat it. But I think that faith is a longing for the world to be better. For us to be better. For people to truly understand what it is to love, and then only then may we begin to see the Divine. For as the first epistle of John puts it, “Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God; everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love. God’s love was revealed among us in this way: God sent his only Son into the world so that we might live through him.”
There is a common hymn that is sung to the point where it makes my ears bleed every time I hear it now. It says “As the deer panteth for the water so my soul longeth after thee.” Does your soul long for the Divine? Do you truly long for love and harmony with all things? Do you think that getting upset at football players taking a knee during an anthem is disrespectful or not being done out of love for something? Do you feel that not making a cake for a wedding because the couple doesn’t look traditional to you is love? Do you feel that banning something because you don’t understand it is loving? As I mentioned last week, caring is more than just a feeling. So is love. Love is Divine. Love is Love. As St. Paul described it in his letter to the Corinthians,” Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” Love is hard. To embody this is hard.
I remember growing up I was told our job as Christians was in the name itself. We were to be like Christ. Yet, I was also told that it was impossible to be like Christ. That’s a mixed message if I ever heard one. I don’t believe anymore that it is impossible. I believe that Yeshua Ben-Yoseph knew what it was to love. The longing was tempered and funneled into something useful. Yeshua showed us how to live in love. Yeshua ate with sinners. Yeshua had tax collectors follow him. Yeshua spoke to the woman at the well, when all others dismissed her as an adulterer. Yeshua didn’t judge the woman caught in adultery brought to him. Yeshua taught that no greater love has any man than this that a man lay down his life for his friends. Yeshua laid down his life for his friends. You may ask who are these friends, well Yeshua taught us in Luke. The good Samaritan was his example, what would a modern-day Samaritan look like? I imagined it to be akin to an illegal immigrant who risks everything to help out the man on the side of the road. It would be the Muslim who helps interpret for American soldiers despite the threats to his family. It would be the Black man who stops to help out a police officer who is beaten and bloody. It would be the lesbian woman who bakes and decorates a beautiful cake for a heterosexual evangelical wedding that she wouldn’t be invited to. It’s the trans person in the military fighting for the rights of the people in this country. Those are the people who would look like friends. Those are the people we are to lay our lives down for. The good Samaritans.
I long for that. I want to be that. I want to be a person who lays his life down even for those I disagree with. I long to see a world where my son can grow up and see the true heroes. A world where people are kind and loving. A world where small disagreements do not bring hate and division but instead lead to the making of a better tomorrow. So may we love without condition. May we see that we are not alone and we matter. May we be the people we long to be. You are not alone, You matter!